Why You Tell Me Things You Won't Tell Your Date

Dreamgirl Diaries

You know what's funny?

Every once in a while, someone will make a comment about my job and assume they already know why you're here.

They'll say, "Oh, he's just looking for sex."

And every single time, I smile to myself because I wish they could sit beside me for one night and actually hear the conversations I hear.

I don't think they'd say that anymore.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately because I can't tell you how many times you've looked at me and said something like, "Honestly... I'd rather spend time with you than go on another date."

The first time I heard that, I remember thinking, Really?

I wasn't offended. I was curious.

Why?

Why would you choose someone like me when dating is supposed to lead to the relationship you've been looking for?

The more I listened, the more I realized you weren't saying dating is hopeless.

You were saying you're tired.

You're tired of trying to figure out whether it's finally safe to be yourself.

You're tired of wondering if today's the day you admit the fantasy you've carried for years, only to watch someone's face change.

You're tired of pretending parts of you don't exist just because they're difficult to explain.

And honestly... I get it.

One thing I've learned after years in this industry is that the fantasy is almost never the whole story.

Sure, maybe you booked time with me because you thought I was attractive.

Maybe you wanted to flirt.

Maybe you wanted to explore something you've been curious about.

There's nothing wrong with that.

But somewhere along the way, we usually end up talking about something completely different.

Your week.

Your marriage.

The promotion you finally got.

The divorce you never thought you'd go through.

That fantasy you've been carrying since you were younger that you've never trusted another person enough to say out loud.

Sometimes you'll even stop in the middle of telling me something and ask, "Is that weird?"

And I'm sitting there thinking...

No.

Human beings are wonderfully complicated.

I've learned that what you're usually looking for isn't permission to have a fantasy.

You're looking for permission to stop hiding.

Maybe that's why this feels easier than dating sometimes.

You don't have to wonder whether I'm going to judge you.

You don't have to spend months earning the right to be honest.

You don't have to slowly reveal little pieces of yourself hoping I won't disappear.

You can just tell me.

You can breathe.

You can be curious.

You can laugh when something feels awkward.

You can ask the question you've been carrying around for years without worrying that it's going to define you forever.

That's a gift I don't take lightly.

Do I think this replaces a relationship?

No.

I think love has its own kind of magic.

But I also think there are seasons of life where what you're really looking for isn't forever.

Sometimes you're looking for clarity.

Sometimes you're looking for adventure.

Sometimes you're looking for someone who'll let you put the mask down for an hour and remind you that the part of yourself you've been hiding isn't nearly as frightening as you thought it was.

Maybe that's why you found me.

Not because I have all the answers.

Because for a little while, you don't have to explain yourself before you're accepted.

I was thinking about that today.

I figured I'd let you in on it.

Until next time...

Signed,

Your Dreamgirl®