Stop Using Dating Apps Like They're OnlyFans

Dreamgirl Diaries

Let's get one thing out of the way.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting casual sex.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a dominant partner. There is nothing wrong with being into feet, roleplay, BDSM, or whatever else you're into. We all have things that turn us on, and I think we spend way too much time pretending otherwise.

The problem isn't the fantasy.

The problem is assuming someone else signed up for your fantasy before they've even had a chance to tell you what they're looking for.

I've spent years working in the adult industry, and one of the biggest differences between an adult platform and a dating app is that everyone walks into those spaces with very different expectations.

On an adult site, people generally know why they're there.

On a dating app, you don't know.

Maybe she's looking for a husband.

Maybe she's looking for something casual.

Maybe she's just got out of a relationship and wants to meet new people.

Maybe she'd actually be into everything you're into.

You don't know yet.

That's why the conversation matters.

If you're looking for casual sex, say so.

You don't have to open with, "I'm only here to hook up," but there's nothing wrong with letting someone know early that you're not looking for a long-term relationship. Some women are looking for the exact same thing. Others aren't. Either way, everyone deserves to make that decision with the truth.

The same goes for kinks and fetishes.

If your goal is to find someone who's into BDSM, find someone who's into BDSM.

If you're hoping to date someone who's dominant, say that.

If you're looking for someone who's sexually adventurous, own it.

There's someone out there who's probably looking for the same thing.

What isn't fair is building a relationship around one expectation while secretly hoping it'll become something completely different later.

And while we're talking about it...

Please stop assuming every match wants explicit photos or sexual messages five minutes into the conversation.

If she asks for them, great.

If the conversation naturally gets there, great.

If it doesn't, don't force it.

The same goes for explicit voice notes, turning every conversation sexual, or steering things toward your favorite fantasy before she's even figured out whether she likes you.

Consent isn't just about what happens in the bedroom.

It's about the conversation that gets you there.

One thing this industry has taught me is that fantasy works best when everyone knows they're participating in it.

That's why adult platforms exist.

Dating apps are different because every person arrives with different expectations.

You'll have a much better experience when you're honest about yours, respectful of theirs, and patient enough to find someone who actually wants the same things you do.

Trust me.

It's a lot more fun when everyone's reading from the same script.

Your Dreamgirl®