You'd be surprised how many times I've heard those words.

"I love my wife."

Sometimes you say it before we even start talking.

Almost like you need me to know you're not a bad person.

Almost like you're trying to convince yourself.

Then I ask you something simple.

"What does loving her mean to you?"

That's usually when the conversation changes.

You stop giving me the answer you think you're supposed to give.

You start giving me the honest one.

You tell me she's your best friend.

You tell me she's stood by you through everything.

You tell me she's an incredible mother.

Then, almost in the same breath, you tell me about the fantasy you've never shared with her.

Not because you don't trust her.

Because you don't think she'd understand.

I've learned not to interrupt that moment.

Because what you're really handing me isn't a fantasy.

It's a piece of yourself you've been carrying around in silence.

Sometimes that silence has lasted years.

Sometimes decades.

What I've noticed is that you're rarely asking me to replace your wife.

You're asking for a space where one part of you doesn't have to stay hidden.

That doesn't make every choice you make the right one.

But it does make me wonder how different your life might look if you believed you could tell the truth before you reached your breaking point.

Because here's what I want you to think about.

If the person you love doesn't actually know you...

Do they love you?

Or do they love the version you've learned to perform?

That's a much harder question than whether you love your wife.

And it's probably the one that deserves your attention first.

XOXO,

Your Dreamgirl®

When You Tell Me You Love Her

When You Just Want to Feel Wanted